ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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