I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
