It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
