he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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