just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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