I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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