peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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