and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
