WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
