I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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