so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
