I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
