I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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