You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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