The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it was like eating out sand paper
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
