Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
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In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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