i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
