Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
