areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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