bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
