but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
