you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
