I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
