i wish my penis had a tongue
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
