there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
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There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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