Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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