it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
