Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
This toilet bowl is my home.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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