The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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