if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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