I got chris browned last night
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
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She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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