Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
