you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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