the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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