pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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