you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
