Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
