someone get that fucking seahorse.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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