I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
