you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
