So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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