she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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