My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
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Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
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but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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