i would punch a child for taco bell
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just found puke in my bra..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
