dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
