just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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