did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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