He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she told me i tasted like america
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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