we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
