You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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