she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
