I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties