Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My first STD was from a foam party
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT