weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
