Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."