Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
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Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???