it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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