Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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