I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
