I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
